Chapter 8
Amanda sent a picture.
A black device sat on her palm.
It looked almost exactly like the recorder she had burned.
Dad zoomed in.
“That isn’t Ethan’s.”
I stared at it.
“How do you know?”
“His had a scratch near the button.”
Lily leaned over.
“And mine had a sticker.”
Dad looked at her.
“What?”
She froze.
I stared.
“Your what?”
Lily slowly sat back.
Dad crouched.
“Lily.”
Her eyes filled.
“I didn’t mean to hide it.”
Dad’s face changed.
“What did you hide?”
She looked at me.
Then she whispered, “I had one too.”
I remembered the morning before Dad’s business trip.
He had given me the recorder privately.
I assumed it was only mine.
Dad looked shocked.
“I never gave you one.”
Lily shook her head.
“Mom did.”
Silence.
Dad sat down.
“When?”
“A long time ago.”
“How long?”
“Before Ethan got his.”
Dad’s voice softened.
“Why did Mom give you a recorder?”
Lily hugged the purple giraffe.
“She said it was a secret game.”
My stomach tightened.
“What game?”
“She told me to put it in Daddy’s office.”
Dad stopped breathing.
“What?”
Lily started crying.
“She said it was like being a detective.”
Dad’s face became pale.
“Where did you put it?”
“Under the couch.”
“In my office?”
“Yes.”
“How long was it there?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did she ever get it back?”
Lily nodded.
“Lots of times.”
Dad stood.
Then sat.
Then stood again.
He looked sick.
Amanda hadn’t just been afraid of being recorded.
She had been recording Dad.
For months.
Maybe longer.
Dad called Mr. Bennett immediately.
He forwarded Amanda’s picture.
Then he asked Lily questions carefully.
Never pushing.
“Did your mom ask what I talked about?”
“Yes.”
“What kinds of things?”
“Work.”
Dad closed his eyes.
“What about work?”
“Names.”
“What names?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Did she ever ask you to look at papers?”
Lily nodded.
Dad sat very still.
“What papers?”
“The ones in your black folder.”
I had seen that folder.
Dad worked for a company that bought and sold commercial properties.
He sometimes brought contracts home.
He was strict about us never touching work papers.
Dad whispered something I wasn’t supposed to hear.
“Oh, God.”
He called his company.
That night, two people came to the house.
One was Dad’s boss.
The other was a security officer.
Dad sent us upstairs.
We sat on the landing anyway.
They searched his office.
Under the desk.
Behind shelves.
Inside an air vent.
Then the security officer found something.
A tiny memory card taped under the back edge of a drawer.
Dad stared at it.
“Is that ours?”
“No.”
His boss looked angry.
Dad said, “I didn’t put it there.”
“I know.”
The security officer photographed it.
Dad looked toward the stairs.
I ducked.
Lily pulled me back.
“What is happening?” she whispered.
“I don’t know.”
But I knew it was bigger than food now.
Amanda had secrets.
The next day, Dad finally explained enough for us to understand.
“Amanda may have been recording conversations in my office.”
“Why?” I asked.
“We don’t know.”
“To hear you?” Lily asked.
“Maybe.”
“Why didn’t she just ask what you said?”
Dad almost smiled.
“That’s a good question.”
Then Daniel called.
Dad put him on speaker.
Daniel said, “I heard about the device.”
Dad frowned.
“How?”
“Amanda called me.”
“Why does Amanda keep calling you?”
“She wants me to support her custody petition.”
Dad’s jaw tightened.
“What did she say?”
“That you’re accusing her of corporate spying.”
“I haven’t accused her of anything.”
“She says the recorder is hers.”
Dad looked at Lily.
“Did she say why she had it?”
Daniel hesitated.
“She said she was trying to catch you cheating.”
Dad stared at the phone.
“What?”
“She believed you were having an affair.”
Dad looked offended.
“With whom?”
“She didn’t say.”
Then another voice came from the doorway.
“With Natalie.”
We all turned.
Amanda stood there.
Dad jumped up.
“How did you get in?”
She held up a key.
Dad’s expression darkened.
“You were told not to enter without notice.”
“I rang the bell.”
“We didn’t hear it.”
“So I used my key.”
Dad held out his hand.
“Give it to me.”
Amanda stared.
“Amanda.”
She put the key on the table.
Lily looked nervous.
Amanda saw.
“I’m not staying.”
Dad stood between her and us.
“You need to leave.”
“I came because this has gotten insane.”
Dad laughed without humor.
“You hid a recording device in my office.”
“I thought you were sleeping with Natalie.”
Natalie was Dad’s business partner.
She had been to our house.
She brought me Lego sets on my birthdays.
Dad stared at Amanda.
“So you used Lily to spy on me?”
“I made a terrible decision.”
“A terrible decision?”
“Yes.”
“You involved a five-year-old.”
“I didn’t think she understood.”
Lily spoke.
“I understood it was secret.”
Amanda looked at her.
“I know.”
“You told me Daddy would leave us if I didn’t help.”
Dad’s face changed.
Amanda shut her eyes.
“I was scared.”
Dad whispered, “You made her responsible for our marriage.”
“I know.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
Amanda looked at him.
“I thought you loved Natalie.”
“I didn’t.”
“I know that now.”
“How?”
Amanda wiped her face.
“Because I listened for months.”
Dad looked disgusted.
Amanda’s shoulders fell.
“I know how that sounds.”
“It sounds exactly like what it was.”
“I was terrified.”
“You keep using fear like it gives you permission to hurt people.”
Amanda flinched.
Dad continued.
“You were afraid of Sarah, so you hurt Ethan. You were afraid of Daniel, so you cut him out. You were afraid I was cheating, so you used Lily to spy on me.”
Daniel’s voice came through the phone.
“Don’t forget lying about the child support.”
Amanda looked toward it.
“Of course he’s listening.”
Daniel answered, “Hi, Amanda.”
“Go to hell, Daniel.”
Dad ended the call.
“This is our house. Leave.”
Amanda stared at him.
“Our house.”
“No.”
The word was quiet.
Final.
Amanda’s eyes filled.
Dad continued.
“I filed for divorce this morning.”
Silence.
Lily gasped.
I stared at him.
Amanda looked like he had struck her.
“You what?”
Dad’s voice shook.
“I filed.”
“You said you didn’t know if our marriage was over.”
“I know now.”
“Because of a recorder?”
“Because you used our children as tools.”
“They are not our children anymore, apparently.”
Dad’s face hardened.
“Do not do that.”
“What?”
“Don’t turn this into me rejecting Lily.”
“You want a divorce.”
“From you.”
Lily started crying.
Dad immediately turned.
“Sweetheart.”
Amanda began crying too.
Lily shouted, “Stop!”
Everyone froze.
She stood between the couch and table.
“I’m tired!”
Her little fists were closed.
“I’m tired of everybody talking about me.”
Dad stepped toward her.
She backed away.
“No!”
He stopped.
Lily looked at Amanda.
“You say Daddy is stealing me.”
Then Dad.
“You say Mom is hurting me.”
Then toward the phone, though Daniel was no longer there.
“Daniel says he misses me.”
She started sobbing.
“I don’t know what anybody wants!”
I walked to her.
She let me hug her.
Then she whispered the words that changed the room.
“I just want to be a kid.”
Dad covered his mouth.
Amanda looked down.
I held Lily tighter.
Dad slowly knelt.
“You’re right.”
Amanda nodded through tears.
“You are.”
Dad looked at Amanda.
“No more discussions in front of them.”
Amanda whispered, “Agreed.”
“No messages through Lily.”
“Agreed.”
“No asking her who she chooses.”
Amanda closed her eyes.
“Agreed.”
Dad looked at me.
“And no asking Ethan to protect everyone.”
I looked down.
I hadn’t realized he knew I was doing that.
Trying to keep Lily calm.
Trying to make Dad less sad.
Trying not to make Amanda angry.
Dad opened his arms.
Lily and I went to him.
Amanda watched.
Then she walked toward the door.
Before leaving, she turned to Lily.
“I love you.”
Lily cried.
“I love you too.”
Amanda looked at me.
She didn’t ask me to say it.
She just nodded.
Then she left.
Three months later, Dad and Amanda were still going through the divorce.
Daniel had regular supervised visits that slowly became longer.
Amanda continued counseling.
I started eating normally again.
Mostly.
But every time Dad packed a suitcase, my stomach hurt.
Then one Monday morning, he brought his suitcase downstairs.
I froze.
“Business trip?”
Dad looked at me.
“Two nights.”
I stopped eating.
He noticed.
“I can cancel.”
“No.”
“I will.”
“No.”
He sat beside me.
“I don’t want you scared.”
I looked at Lily.
She smiled.
“Mrs. Parker is staying here.”
Dad nodded.
“And Grandma is coming during the day.”
“No Amanda?”
“No Amanda.”
I stared at him.
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
I slowly relaxed.
Then Dad reached into his pocket.
He placed a small black device on the table.
My heart jumped.
“Another recorder?”
He smiled.
“No.”
“What is it?”
“A button.”
“That looks like a recorder.”
“It’s a safety alert. Press it and it calls me, Grandma, and Mrs. Parker.”
“No recording?”
“No recording.”
Lily grinned.
“Can I press it?”
“No,” Dad and I said together.
She rolled her eyes.
That night, Dad left.
I watched his car disappear.
I was afraid.
But fear didn’t feel like a prison anymore.
Because now I knew something I hadn’t known before.
May you like
I could speak.
And someone would listen.
