Chapter 4
Rachel was waiting near the front desk.
The second she saw me, she ran over and hugged me.
I stood there stiffly at first.
Then my body gave up.
I hugged her back.
Hard.
“What happened?” she whispered.
“Everything.”
She pulled away.
Her eyes searched my face.
“Is the baby yours?”
“Yes.”
She exhaled so sharply it sounded like she had been holding her breath the entire drive.
“You know for sure?”
I took the prenatal paternity report from my jacket.
She read it.
Her face changed.
“Oh my God.”
“That’s not the worst part.”
“There’s worse?”
I almost laughed.
“Apparently.”
We sat in two chairs at the edge of the lobby.
I told her about February seventeenth.
The affair.
The test.
The money.
The apartment.
The plan to leave me.
Rachel didn’t interrupt until I finished.
Then she stared across the lobby for several seconds.
“I’m going to say something you may not want to hear.”
“Go ahead.”
“Do not go upstairs angry.”
“I’m not going to hurt anyone.”
“I know that.”
She turned toward me.
“But if Emily has been telling people your marriage was unstable, anything you do right now could be used against you.”
I hated that she was right.
“She’s upstairs with my son.”
“Yes.”
“My son.”
Rachel squeezed my shoulder.
“I know.”
“I want to see him.”
“Then see him.”
“And Emily?”
“Don’t argue. Don’t threaten. Don’t touch her phone. Don’t touch her. Don’t touch Susan. Don’t even point at anyone.”
I looked at her.
“When did you become a lawyer?”
“When my brother married someone who apparently turned his life into a daytime television show.”
Despite everything, I laughed once.
It hurt.
Rachel stood.
“I’m coming with you.”
“I don’t want a scene.”
“Neither do I.”
“That has never stopped you before.”
“Today I’m an angel.”
We headed upstairs.
When we reached the room, Susan was standing in the hallway.
She saw Rachel and immediately stiffened.
“Why is she here?”
Rachel stopped beside me.
“Nice to see you too, Susan.”
“This is family business.”
Rachel smiled coldly.
“He’s my family.”
Susan looked at me.
“Emily is upset.”
“So am I.”
“She just gave birth.”
“I noticed.”
“James, whatever happened between you two can be handled later.”
“No.”
Her mouth tightened.
“No?”
“No more later.”
I held up the paternity report.
“No more secrets for later. No more truth for later. No more waiting until I’m easier to manipulate.”
Susan’s face went pale.
Rachel looked at her.
“You knew.”
Susan didn’t answer.
Rachel took one step forward.
“For five months, you knew.”
“I was protecting my daughter.”
“From James?”
“From a difficult situation.”
Rachel laughed.
“You mean consequences.”
Susan’s eyes flashed.
“You have no idea what Emily has been through.”
“Neither did James, apparently, because nobody bothered telling him.”
I touched Rachel’s arm.
“That’s enough.”
She stopped.
Susan looked surprised.
Maybe she expected me to explode.
I wouldn’t give her that.
“I’m going inside.”
Susan blocked the door.
“Emily doesn’t want Rachel in there.”
“That’s fine.”
Rachel nodded.
“I’ll wait here.”
Susan still didn’t move.
I looked directly at her.
“Get out of my way.”
For one long second, she didn’t.
Then she stepped aside.
I entered.
Emily was sitting on the bed.
The baby was in a clear hospital bassinet beside her.
My chest tightened when I saw him.
He was asleep.
His tiny mouth moved once.
I forgot everything for two seconds.
Then Emily spoke.
“Is Adrian still here?”
The spell broke.
“I don’t know.”
She nodded.
I pulled the chair closer to the bassinet.
I didn’t sit beside Emily.
I sat beside my son.
“Can I hold him?”
Her face softened.
“Of course.”
She lifted him carefully and handed him to me.
I had held newborns before.
Rachel had two children.
Friends had babies.
But nothing prepared me for the weight of my own son.
He was so light.
So warm.
His head fit in my palm.
I looked down at him and felt tears fill my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Emily started crying.
“James…”
I ignored her.
The baby opened his eyes for half a second.
I smiled.
“Hey, buddy.”
My voice cracked.
“I’m your dad.”
That sentence nearly destroyed me.
Because now I knew.
No uncertainty.
No guessing.
I was his father.
And instead of being able to enjoy that truth, I had learned it from the man sleeping with my wife.
Emily watched me.
“I wanted to tell you.”
I looked up.
“Don’t.”
“I did.”
“You had four months.”
“I know.”
“You had every morning.”
“I know.”
“Every dinner.”
“I know.”
“Every night when we went to bed.”
She wiped her face.
“I was terrified.”
“Of me?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“Of losing everything.”
I looked down at the baby.
“You were already planning to leave.”
“At one point.”
“At one point?”
“James, things changed.”
“When?”
“When Adrian said he didn’t want to be with me anymore.”
There it was.
The ugliest truth so far.
I looked at her.
“So I became the backup plan.”
“No.”
“That’s exactly what you just said.”
“No. I realized I was making a terrible mistake.”
“After he rejected you.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“It sounds exactly like that.”
She leaned forward.
“I love you.”
I stared at her.
“You loved me while you were sleeping with him?”
She closed her eyes.
“I don’t have a good answer.”
“No. You don’t.”
I rocked the baby gently.
“Why the name?”
She opened her eyes.
“James…”
“Why did you name him Adrian?”
Her lips trembled.
“I don’t know.”
“That’s another lie.”
“It was emotional.”
“What does that mean?”
She looked at the blanket in her lap.
“Adrian and I talked about the baby for months.”
“While I was standing next to you.”
“Yes.”
“He thought the baby was his.”
“For a while.”
“And even after you knew he wasn’t?”
“We had already talked about names.”
I felt sick.
“Did he choose it?”
“No.”
“Did you?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
She looked at our son.
“I liked how it sounded.”
I laughed quietly.
“You named my son after your lover because you liked how it sounded.”
“I know how horrible that sounds.”
“It sounds horrible because it is horrible.”
“I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“What exactly did you think would happen when you said his name?”
She started crying again.
“I thought I could separate the name from the person.”
“You thought I could?”
“I didn’t think.”
“No.”
I nodded slowly.
“That might be the first honest thing you’ve said.”
She winced.
I looked back at the baby.
“His name is changing.”
Emily immediately stiffened.
“James.”
“No.”
“You don’t get to decide that alone.”
“That’s true.”
I met her eyes.
“So we will decide together. But his name is not staying Adrian.”
She held my gaze.
Then finally nodded.
“Okay.”
I hadn’t expected that.
Maybe she realized there was nothing to defend.
I adjusted the blanket around him.
Then I asked, “Where is the apartment?”
Emily looked confused.
“What?”
“The apartment you put money on.”
She sighed.
“Downtown.”
“Address?”
“Why?”
“Because I need to know what our money paid for.”
“It’s in my name.”
“Our money.”
She gave me the address.
I typed it into my phone.
Then I asked, “How much was the deposit?”
“Four thousand.”
“Where is the rest?”
“About nine thousand is in an account under my name.”
“And the other four?”
“I paid Adrian back.”
I nodded.
“So almost everything is accounted for.”
“Yes.”
“Transfer the nine thousand back.”
She stared at me.
“Now?”
“Yes.”
“James, I need money.”
“You have your personal checking account.”
“There’s barely anything in it.”
“You transferred joint savings into a secret account while planning to leave.”
“I’m not leaving now.”
“That is not reassuring.”
Her face hardened.
“I just gave birth. I’m not transferring every dollar I have.”
“It isn’t every dollar you have.”
“I need security.”
“So do I.”
She stared at me.
For the first time that day, I saw anger replace guilt.
“You’re punishing me.”
“No.”
I kept my voice calm.
“I’m protecting myself.”
“From your wife?”
“From someone who hid an affair, a paternity test, an apartment, and seventeen thousand dollars.”
She looked away.
“That’s not punishment. That’s reality.”
The baby stirred.
I lowered my voice further.
“I’m not fighting with you in front of him.”
Emily’s expression changed.
Maybe she expected rage.
Maybe Adrian had been right.
Maybe she had prepared for a version of me she could point to afterward.
I wasn’t going to become him.
“I want to ask one question.”
She nodded.
“Was there anyone else?”
Her head snapped toward me.
“No.”
“Think before you answer.”
“There was nobody else.”
“Ever?”
“Not during our marriage.”
I almost smiled.
“Except Adrian.”
“Yes.”
“Twice.”
She whispered, “Yes.”
I looked at my son.
“Okay.”
“Do you believe me?”
“No.”
She started crying again.
I didn’t react.
A few minutes later, the nurse entered.
She checked Emily’s vitals.
Then she looked at me.
“Dad, would you like to learn how to swaddle him?”
Dad.
The word hurt and healed me at the same time.
“Yes,” I said.
Emily watched silently as the nurse showed me how to fold the blanket.
I did it badly.
The nurse laughed.
I tried again.
This time it worked.
My son looked like a tiny burrito.
For the first time all day, I smiled for real.
“There you go,” the nurse said.
“He likes you.”
I looked down.
“I hope so.”
After she left, Emily whispered, “You’re going to be an amazing father.”
I didn’t look at her.
“I planned on being a good husband too.”
She covered her face.
I stood and carefully placed the baby back in the bassinet.
“I’m going home tonight.”
Her hands dropped.
“What?”
“You’re staying here until tomorrow.”
“I thought you’d stay.”
“I did too.”
“James, please.”
“I need space.”
“You’re going to leave me alone?”
“Your mother is outside.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“I know.”
I picked up my jacket.
Emily looked scared now.
Not dramatic.
Actually scared.
“Are you coming back?”
“To see my son?”
“Yes.”
“Of course.”
“And me?”
I looked at her.
“I don’t know.”
Her chin trembled.
I turned toward the door.
Then she said, “There’s something else.”
I stopped.
Every part of me went cold.
I didn’t turn around immediately.
“Of course there is.”
“James…”
I faced her.
“What?”
She looked toward the door.
Then at the baby.
Then back at me.
“Adrian wasn’t the only person I lied to you about.”
I stared at her.
“You just told me there was nobody else.”
“There wasn’t another man.”
“Then who?”
Emily wiped her eyes.
“Your mother.”
My breath caught.
“My mother?”
She nodded.
“I’ve been talking to her for months.”
That made no sense.
My mother, Linda, lived three states away.
We had a complicated relationship.
She and Emily had barely spoken since our wedding.
“What are you talking about?”
Emily looked terrified to answer.
“She knew about the affair.”
I stared at her.
“How?”
“Because I told her.”
“Why would you tell my mother?”
Emily swallowed.
“Because she told me what to do.”
I felt the floor disappear beneath me again.
“What did she tell you?”
May you like
Emily whispered the answer.
“To leave you before you found out.”
